To the friends whom I ignore: Yes, I ignore you. Sometimes I straight up, wholeheartedly, on purpose, no regret, phone-in-hand, ignore you. But don’t take it personal, its not often that I savagely ignore you. Its probably not even most of the time, oh and it’s not just you. I do it to everyone (yes, mom you too).
First let me start saying that while text message is better than a phone call, a text message isn’t always going to get a response. This is a concept that seems foreign to some of my childless friends. Some will call, then text something along the lines of “I was just calling to check on you”. Sweet gesture, thanks. But I’m not just some ruthless friend who never wants to speak with you. That’s why I’ve decided to take some time to clear some things up.
1. I’m actually busy—WHAAAAAATT? Say that again? Your stay-at-home mom friend with no life has things to do?! She’s busy? Yea. I said it. There seems to be endless amounts of laundry, my infant feeds from my body every 2-3 hours, I apparently need to exercise and eat everyday. So no, I cannot always take your random calls or return your texts in a timely manner. With two kids, if it’s not one thing it’s the next. Like how my infant is spitting up as I type this because I fed her and forgot to burp her—I was rushing to write before she needed a diaper change. Or maybe we just left the grocery store and I’m carrying in a sleeping toddler and a car seat, then running back to the car to hulk grabs all of the groceries, so I don’t leave them unattended. Or maybe I’m giving a bath to one, while trying to gage how much time I have before the other gets cranky.
2. I’m not busy—Oh yea, this one time (Mother’s day weekend specifically) I had down time with no children or household to manage. Guess what? I still chose to ignore a few calls and texts. I chose me. Sometimes choosing me, means not choosing you. So yea, I may be talking about myself on facebook or uploading photos to instagram. This is about me. Which rolls into my next point.
3. I’m a high functioning introvert—Many people actually don’t know that about me. Or maybe they don’t know much about introversion. But interactions with people tend to make me tired and anxious. Its literal WORK for me. For extroverts, social interaction makes you tick. You crave it. But some of us don’t want it. Sometimes after a long phone conversation, I need a nap. But I can’t always do that because well, kids. So I prefer to put my phone on Do Not Disturb and sit in silence. Not even turning on the TV.
4. My kids are going crazy—often times at the same time. There is something about the threenager stage and infant stage that just puts my kids in constant distress. Maybe it’s not a stage. Maybe it’s just my kids. Whatever. But if you call or text me unknowingly during a breakdown trust me, you don’t want me to acknowledge you. We probably wouldn’t be friends after that. Ok, I’ve had to edit this portion to add (or dogs) as I was typing, my doorbell rang. I thought it was the UPS truck (darn AmazonPrime) but it wasn’t. It was Mr. Carlos and Max returning Big Moe.
5. We spoke recently—Friend, I love you. Yes, I really do. But likely, nothing has changed for either one of us since yesterday. Especially not me. Nothing new over here. I may have a funny antidote but let’s be real, I probably wrote about it on Facebook. If you call saying “so what happened at McAllister’s Deli” I probably wont have much of a response because well, I know you know what happened. Refer to bullet #3 at this point and add “I’m bad at small talk”. I don’t like it and it makes me frustrated.
6. I honestly forgot to return your correspondence –That happens you know. It happens A LOT. More then you probably realize. I’m not sure if I have permanent pregnancy brain or if I’m just losing it all! But, most of the time I genuinely see you contacted me, and I say “let me wash my hands real quick”, and I forget to respond. Go ahead and replace “wash my hands” with just about anything: change this diaper, do this sit up, preheat this oven, tie this shoe, sneeze, blink, breathe. Maybe I fell asleep, it can be anytime of day but likely between the hours of 12-2 and after 8:30 p.m.—I’m no good. Even if I respond to your first text, I’m probably asleep. Oh and I may read your text during a night feed, and forget about it by morning.
7. Your notification got dismissed–No, not by me! By my kid. I recently saw him swipe a notification away while he was watching Youtube! I was appalled. I don’t know how to untrain him. For real, tips? He’s also deletes apps, emails, and texts. So that’s a thing now.
This list is not at all exhaustive, but I just want to give some reasoning to why I’m not the perfect friend and probably not getting better. I’m not the perfect wife, mother, daughter, or sister either. But sometimes my friends without kids tend to forget that. I truly love you all and value our friendship. But sometimes I just “can’t”. Lets plan a date and trust that I’ll put it on my calendar and see you then. But know that I’m at my wits end most of the time and sometimes can’t just chat. I’ve had friends say to me “well you always have your phone on you”. While that may be true, the measure of my response time is no longer dictated by the proximity of my hands to the phone. There are many variables playing out here people. I can’t even drink a cup of coffee without being interrupted. I will eventually get back to you.
Like that super sweet Mother’s Day text I JUST am about to respond to right now. Oops. You know who you are.
Also, I know some of y’all ignore calls too and some of y’all don’t have kids. So what are some reasons you ignore calls and texts? Do you feel bad about it? Let me know in the comments section.
P.S Here is an video example of what a quite minute looks like in our house