Fashion and Respect is for Skinny B**ches: that’s the lesson I learned in a clothing store last week when sales associate made me cry (dang hormones, y’all know I’m a G). My horrible experience began as soon as I reached the door of the store. So, here’s what happened. I’m at an outdoor mall with my hubby and I decide to split up (something I never do, I’m clingly y’all). Well, I get to the door of the store and I’m struggling to open it. If you’ve ever tried to open a door towards yourself and push a stroller through, you know what I’m talking about.
Here I am struggling with the door and I make direct eye contact with the sales associate behind the counter. Get this–she doesn’t smile, nor does she come over to help me. She just sat behind the counter. The store was empty. Then when I finally got in, she doesn’t say anything to me. Again, that was my clue to leave, but I had committed so much effort to getting in that store, I was gonna look around.
And you know at this point I had something to prove. I had that “overtipping while Black” complex going on. (Black people you know what I’m talking about, when someone treats you like you can’t afford a service so you do the most to spite them. Bank account be damned!)
Okay, well any way, I show myself around this empty store, pick out my little outfits, then see myself to a dressing room.
By this time, another customer walks in. She’s thin and white — (Yes, I’m noting her skin color. I got a post called “why Black people always talk about race” brewing) . Well as you probably can predict the store associate hops on it. She shows her to a dressing room then begins running around telling the new customer cute combos, bringing her shit, and offering her water and what not.
Meanwhile, I’m in the dressing room thirsty and ignored, with an infant, just tying to figure things out.
I’m working on my grace, so I was trying to let them make it.
Now by this time, I’m almost done trying clothes on. My smaller size picks are a little snug, some fit while some don’t. My “middle” size picks were pretty much where I needed to be, I was 6 weeks postpartum so I really don’t know what size I wear. BUT, I had my eye on this pretty little something for a wedding. My last dress to try on and I KNOW it’s not going to fit because the only size in the store was two sizes bigger than what my most comfortable fit was.
Make sure you read that right, it was two sizes too big.
I put the dress on, and I can’t reach to zip it. I then turn the dress around backward and zip it up. It zips.
But can’t maneuver to turn it back around. The dress had some snazzy rubber on the inside that hold the dress in place (because it’s strapless). So I unzip, turn it around, then muster up the courage to step out and ask for help.
This is my conversation with a sales associate:
Me: excuse me, can you help me zip this
Store associate A: oh no I don’t think that fits
Then her and the other associate LAUGH!
Me: well I just zipped it—*gets cut off*
Store associate B: there is a good 2 inch gap
Me: oh okay
*walks back in to dressing room*
Then I heard mumbling and giggles.
I just put my clothes on and rushed out.
To add insult to injury, as I’m struggling with the door and stroller one of them yells “bye” in a very condescending tone.
This was hurtful.
For those of you that don’t know, my youngest child is currently 7 weeks old, my oldest is 3. I wish I could say that my SnapBack has been real, but it hasn’t. I’m actually already annoyed hearing “well you’re breast feeding, those pounds will melt off”, because they probably won’t.
I will need to work hard. Because guess what? I’m already at my pre-pregnancy weight. Yep, 7 weeks postpartum and I’ve hit my pre-pregnancy weight and people aren’t swooning over my “SnapBack”.
I’ll be honest with you, I’ve been steadily gaining weight since BEFORE Frost was born. I was the heaviest I had ever been when I got pregnant with him. Then yet again, I was the heaviest I had ever been when I got pregnant with baby Nova.
I’m not proud of it, I’m actually extremely uncomfortable at the size I am now. I’ve committed to working out 5 days a week and I have meal prep prepared by a chef for my lunches and dinners, so please save your unsolicited advice. I don’t want it. What do want is for you to be a decent human being, especially if you’ve never had children or had to lose a significant amount of weight.
Also, losing weight isn’t (or shouldn’t be) the number one priority for ANY new mom. When there is a foreign entity thrust into your home, demanding attention, while seemingly finding joy in the act of torture by sleep deprivation, working out is hardly at the front of your mind. You’re in survival mode.
Granted, every woman and every body is different. I know women who were back to the gym a mere two weeks postpartum. Kudos to them, seriously. That ain’t me and I shouldn’t be shamed for it.
There is a societal message that tells women that we must aspire to obtain skinny bodies over healthy bodies. Search the internet and you’ll find hundreds, if not thousands, of articles about getting back in shape after baby. Tips and tricks for that 15 minute workout while baby naps. Moms who trade sleep or hygiene for jump squats and power planks.
This message undoubtably added to my postpartum struggle after the birth of my first. When I look back on photos of myself after Frost was born, and I was skinty! But I don’t remember feeling small. I obsessed over what I ate, I was self conscious about my size. I wasn’t happy with myself.
This time around, my goal is happiness. Setting goals and accomplishing them because accomplishing goals makes me feel like a Master Mommy.
To all the women out there that struggle with their weight, baby or not. I stand in solidarity with you. Not to give you fitness advice, but to say you deserve to be happy. Don’t let chasing some unrealistic and arbitrary Snapback get you down. Workout when you and your body are ready, mentally and physically–and not a second before. I won’t judge you.
Oh and to the sales associate who laughed at me, screw you B****–you want my happiness.
Sincerely,
Master Mommy
P.S: If you’ve ever been body shamed–Drop a comment below and let me know I’m not alone.
P.P.S: Any tips on opening doors with strollers?
Master Mommy 
Loving your blog lady!! Keep them coming pretty mama.
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Oh man. I am sorry that happened to you . Who represents a store that way? Ugh . No advice on the double stroller, our kids are in their early twenties so I forgot. I know this . The weight will come off when you are ready and you are beautiful right now . I hear you on doing the most. I myself am European with a us citizenship, but have wanted to do extra stuff when I felt my hubby wasn’t treated equally .
You are great at this ” writing ” thing by the way .
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Man, its a catch 22 when you’re in these situations. But we shouldn’t feel obligated to prove our worth!
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Thank you, Nat! Miss you tons!
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I’m really sorry that happened to you, especially with a double stroller. What kind of person would just sit and watch a parent struggle like that?
Doors:
Leaving, I walk out backwards. Going in, go in backwards and hold the door with my foot
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Hmm.. I don’t think I’ve tried going IN backwards!! There really should be a better way!
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Omg!!! You are my kindred spirit and say everything I thought after having twins and then my third but was too timid to voice!! You are beautiful, but more than that, I love the message you share! Be happy, you’re kids need to see that more than the size your clothes. I was ashamed to take a pic with my kids because I didn’t have that perfect women shape, and regret that far too often. As for the stroller, I should be a pro with twins, but I survived with Jesus and coffee and can’t remember anything from when they were little! 😂 Looking forward to your next blog.
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Too many times, I’ve taken a picture of my youngest and noticed my shirt was up–exposing my tummy and I’ve refused to post it. NO MORE!
Jesus, Coffee, and a Little wine on my end! 😉
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I agree with everything you are saying..my youngest is almost 3 and I have been working on getting in shape for about 2 years lol life has got in the way..most the time the only store I go into our children clothing stores and trying to push a double stroller through them is impossible! I hold the door with one foot suck ina push in sometime takes me rolling back and fourth..I feel lucky when Harli with me and she can hold the door! I have learned that God loves me no matter what and reaching my weight goal is a process!
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I usually open the door then throw my stroller in and run..hoping neither one of us gets trapped!
As for the weight, I’m right there with you. Just trying to find fun ways to be healthy!
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Chile , You are NOT alone!
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Thank goodness!
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I love this! I don’t know how you kept your composure in the store, I would have been silently crying in the dressing room! I totally relate to this. And it is so refreshing seeing your post partum pictures. All my friends went back to their weight quickly..and here I am, 8 MONTHS PP and still have an extra 45 lbs on me. I just can’t seem to get rid of the pooch and skin flap. I gained 85 during my pregnancy! I really thought it would melt off because I exclusively breastfeed. But nope. Still there. I always see your fb posts and think “what a great mom!” Keep up the good work! I look forward to your next blog!
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I didn’t want to keep my composure, even my husband asked me why I didn’t say anything. But we all know how quickly people record and want to say Black women don’t have home training.
The numbers on the scale are always so depressing. I tried to get rid of all of my pre-pregnancy clothes so that I wasnt constantly chasing a pair of jeans or a dress. Perfect excuse to buy new clothes!
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blog is great! love it
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Thank you!!
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Thanks for your honesty and sharing, pal. You’re onto something good here. Working out and feeling like an actual human being with a new little babe is tough. I’ve struggled, too and I wasn’t even the one that had to physically take one for the team in bringing him here. You’re a champ–keep it up–the writing, the being a badass mom, and doing what makes you feel good about yourself.
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The sleep deprivation is certainly enough to take a toll on anyone. Then you’re juggling a relationship, school, work, and mom-ing!
Just make sure you find time to be Ashley!
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I wish you were my friend 15 years ago after I had my youngest. You say all the things now that I should have said to myself then. Keep on writing… this older mom loves it!
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Thank you for supporting my blog! It makes me a little nervous to start this thing and trying to be open and honest.
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My own mother body shames me and it started while I was pregnant. I have had to put my own mother in her place regarding talking to me about my weight and as it stands it is a no-go topic now. I don’t entertain conversation about my weight with her, or for anyone if they have a problem with it. I have a 2 1/2 month old and 5 year old. I am prioritizing my mental health behind their needs.
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Girl, Girl, Girl. Family can be the biggest critics!
You look AMAZING btw. When we get back together we can not talk about weight together!
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You are such an inspiration. I have as always admired your personality and smile when I attended UT. After leaving the university to purse my major at UNT I still followed you on Facebook! Your experiences and comments are honest and young woman of color need that! I am about 73 days away from becoming The Wifey!!! And you have already gave me so much motivation and encouragement to being a wife and a mom (for the future)! Thank you!
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Awe thank you! That means a whole lot. Congrats on the upcoming nuptials just be yourself and everything (your marriage and momming) will be better for it.
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You just make sure YOUR HAPPY. Them ladies probably are misable. They have nothing better to do. I do believe in KARMA!! You are the one that deals with yourself everyday so you do what you got to do. Being a mother is the Greatest thing for me and I know your a pretty amazing mom. PROUD OF YOU!
So sticks and stones B****es!!!!
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Thanks Trin! That’s what I’m working on now, being happy and not trying to fit some stereotype!
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Boycott BCBG. She’s just obviously a horrible person. But on the ansode note… YOUR BLOG IS DOPE!! I’m so proud of you.
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♥️♥️♥️ First, let me say congratulations on Lil Ms. Nova she is beautiful!! Second, I am proud of you for not allowing the sales associates take you out of character. It is hard to shop while black/brown on a regular basis, but for people to ignore you while you are struggling with a double stroller is hateful. Continue to share your journey it is inspiring to others, losing weight is a struggle that some are ashamed to talk about. The weight falls off for some after the first baby, but birth control is the devil!
-Jaz I am proud of you for sharing your journey!! Keep up the great work,I am waiting on the “why black people talk about race” blog personally!!
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F*** ’em and I’m surprised you didn’t say something to them for being so nasty! Don’t worry about a timeline to lose weight or even how much to lose, it will happen naturally while you are doing your new routine of being a momma of two. It took me over 18 months to get to pre-pregnancy weight so you are doing great at less than 2 months!
Stroller tip for going into a store is to pull the stroller through the door instead of push. The wheels would always get stuck or I would hit the door if I pushed the stroller, while everyone is looking at you crazy and waiting to see how long you are going to struggle. I would want to curse them or walk with my head a little higher almost commanding applause for finally getting past that obstacle!
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I thoroughly enjoyed this read! And as a future doctor I applaud your message of being healthy and taking care of yourself over “snapback goals” or whatever! Your sleep, your hygiene, and your mental health are wayyyyy more important goals to aspire to. I encourage you on your journey and look forward to future posts 🤗
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Thank you! I cannot express in words how much this has uplifted me while I tackle this motherhood thing with my 5 week old princess. She’s adorable, I’m not (yet)! Your experiences have made me feel normal at a time when I feel so alienated by society. You are strong and inspiring. I just wanted you to know your blogs are encouraging women like me. I hope they’re equally therapeutic to write! 💗
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I have never had a baby, but I can relate to this! We are always body shamed and told we are not good enough because we are not as skinny as society wants us to be. Thank you for supporting being happy with yourself, and loving yourself! Setting goals and reaching weight loss goals should be because you want to, not because you feel like you need to. Love your blog!
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As a former retail associate, this really pisses me off. It’s called CUSTOMER SERVICE for a reason. Wow. I hate that happened to you.
I struggled after my daughter was born, too. I felt terrible about myself and did very unhealthy and extreme CRAZY things to lose the weight because I felt frumpy and unattractive.
Now I have thyroid issues and have put on at least 30 pounds and can’t get rid of it and feel horrible about myself again. ( that’s why I’m interested in your orange theory experience:-) ).
You are beautiful and your family is beautiful. You just made a human being. Our bodies can do the most amazing thing ever and yet we hate them afterwards. This is what society has done to all of us. 😦
Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to put it all out there because that is real life!!! Sending you encouragement and love!!!! You are awesome!!!
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Oh, and you might want to call or email bcbg corporate and complain. That’s unacceptable. Maybe they’ll send you a good coupon 😃💗.
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I loved your blog post. There’s so much pressure on the “SnapBack”. I’d lost a lot of weight before getting pregnant with my so I constantly thought about how much weight I gained throughout my pregnancy and how hard it would be to get off postpartum. As a new mommy, I’m focusing on being a good mommy, going back to work full time, finding a balance in my household, getting back into school and the list goes on and on. I appreciate your post because I do believe that it’s so important to focus on your happiness and setting short term and achievable goals. We can only do the best we can. But it’s so good to know I’m not the only one!
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This was a great post! I have never struggled with my weight until after the birth of my son. I’ve listened to my friends complain about how hard it was to lose the weight but I did not fully understand it until I had to do it on my own. Now that I’m pregnant with baby #2, I have been telling myself, this time will be different. But like yourself, I know it will happen when it happens. And I’m not going to deprive my love of food to get there!
And you know some people (the sales lady) love to see us black folk struggle. So sad!
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STROLLERS AND DOORS WILL NEVER BE COMPATIBLE. FIRST CHILD I LOSS ALL 60LBS I GAINED. CHILD NUMBER 2 I WEIGH MORE THAN WEIGHED MY WHOLE PREGNANCY. I’LL BREAST FEED SO I CAN LOSE IT FASTER. HELL NAW. SAME BOAT. THEY HAVE TONS OF CLOTHES WEBSITES FOR THICK GIRLS THAT WANNA BE CUTE. CHICANDCURVY.COM ROCK IT!!!!
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Fantastic blog! I cannot believe how they treated you. But I love how you love yourself! You are very inspirational!
Also on the stroller note! I work at a child development center. And I have to get a 4 seat stroller through doors everyday. The trick is you have to get the door open ALL the way. Til it won’t open up anymore. Hold it open with your foot and it should be a breeze getting it through!
“If God brings you to it, He”ll bring you through it”
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Love your blog!
I understand exactly what your saying! Ugh!
So sorry for your experience. Your soul is genuine, your heart appears pure and your energy is dope! That’s all that matters!
Enjoy being happy!
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